One Year Later
So, it’s been a year.
One year.
One year since my family’s life was irrevocably altered.
One year since Kathy and I had our last conversation.
One year since my children hugged and kissed their mother.
One year ago, Kathy lived her last day, and she lived it well.
One year ago . . . Kathy won.
I believe that you know. Kathy WON . She won the greatest victory that a human being can win.
She has seen and heard things that we cannot even fathom in our limited human brains.
I realize this will sound cliché, but she really is in a better place.
A year ago today, I told Kathy that it was ok to go, and that her family would be taken care of after she was gone. A year later, I can confirm that we are blessed. We have our moments, and we all miss her, but we are ok. We have grown closer, we have each other, and we are moving forward.
We have also had a lot of help. We are thankful. At the risk of missing someone, I don’t want to name names, but you all know who you are. My family would not be what we are without you.
Throughout Kathy’s journey, we believed there was a plan in place. We saw evidence of that plan all along the way. Evidence still presents itself on an almost daily basis. As hard as this journey has been for all of us at times, it has also been incredibly beautiful. We are a simple family, who lead a simple life, yet we are being utilized in an extraordinary way. This blog, which started as a way to keep family and friends updated, has been viewed over 120,000 times. I’ve been told our story has changed lives, marriages and families. I have been told it has strengthened the faith of others. In some cases, it has even brought some to a faith that they never knew existed. In short, it has been an incredible journey.
And you know what? As hard as it may be for some to understand, I wouldn’t change it.
If one life has been changed, if one person has grown closer to God because of our journey, it has all been worth it.
I understand what I just said . . .and I mean it.
You know what else? I know in my heart that Kathy would agree.
Kathy’s shine was bright, and it will continue on.
In one month, I will board a plane to New York. I have been invited to share our story in front of hundreds.
One year later, Kathy’s shine is as bright as ever.
Thanks for reading.
Catching Up . . .
So, uh . . .Hi.
Yeah, it’s been a while, I know, but let me explain.
I’m a single father. With three children. All under the age of 10. Over the last few months, I’ve had to give up a few things while adjusting to this new lifestyle. Things like uninterrupted phone calls . . .or tv channels other than Disney or Nickelodeon. . . . or sleep . . .or sanity . . . or showering . . .wait, no, I still do that last one, it just usually has to be quick!! Of course, I’m having a little fun here, but my point is that things have been quite busy. It was not my intention to neglect the blog for so long, but it’s difficult to find the time to sit down and collect my thoughts long enough to put together a semi-coherent post.
Now don’t get me wrong. The Brutton Family 2.0 is doing great. We are learning how to live this new life together. We have a lot of help, and we are adjusting well. That’s not to say we don’t still have our moments, but we face them together, and live each day knowing that we have each other. We also know that we are cared for tremendously. There is still a plan in place for our little family and each day, we will live that plan.
So, at this point you’re probably wondering what we’ve been doing over the last 6 months!!! (Other than watching Disney, Nickelodeon and not sleeping or showering of course)
Well let me give you the summary.
The girls did great in school last year. Sarah had high praise from her kindergarten teacher, and out of 30 possible grades for the year, Maddie had 4 A’s and 26 A+’s. I’m told that one of the leading indicators of kids having problems is a change in grades at school. I’d say we’re good on that front.
In June, the girls went to Camp Courage – a 5 day adventure for kids who have lost someone important. The camp was offered through Annie’s Hope here in St. Louis. I’ve mentioned Annie’s Hope before, and I cannot overstate the importance of this organization in my family’s life. At this camp, Maddie and Sarah got to meet other kids who shared their grief. They learned ways to cope and heal. They also had a lot of fun. They shot arrows and bb guns, went hiking and canoeing, and all the other things you would expect kids to do at camp. They also got to see their dad get called out to dance in front of the entire camp on family day. . .but we’ll save that story for another time. . .or possibly never. (Oh, and by the way, this wasn’t a let’s get all the parents up and dancing thing – I was the only one who got called out. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to know the people who have the microphone!!)
Our nanny, Candy, continues to work out very well. I know the house and the kids are in good hands when I am away. Over the summer, Candy and the kids visited the pool quite a bit. I think the kids got to swim more this summer than any before, so they were quite happy!!
Colin's first day of preschool!!
In August, we were able to get away to Gulf Shores for a week long vacation. It was nice to get away and we enjoyed the time together. The day after getting back from vacation, Maddie and I, along with her friend Kayla, braved the crowds and attended the Taylor Swift concert. The gender imbalance at this concert was so severe, that I literally saw a men’s room converted into a ladies room for the evening. Of course, the gigantic, ear to ear, glow in the dark smile on Maddie’s face made it all worth it!!
In late August, the girls went back to school. Maddie is loving fourth grade, and Sarah is tolerating first grade. And for the first time, all Brutton children are in school as Colin started pre-school this year. I recently attended an open house at Colin’s preschool where the teacher informed me that he is constantly trying to hold girls hands and referred to him as the class Casanova. This scares me. But still not as much as the thought of his sisters getting their hands held someday!
In mid September, after talking about it for a long time, I finally took Maddie and Sarah to Chicago for a daddy-daughter weekend. We drove up on Friday, and stayed at a fancy hotel so the girls could feel like little princesses. On Saturday morning. . .this is hard to talk about, so bear with me . . .we went to the American Girl Store. The girls had a lot of fun with their dolls. They got their dolls’ hair done, and got to pose with them on the cover of a magazine. We also had lunch with their dolls and went shopping for their dolls. Like I said – they had fun. As for me, let’s just say that by the time we left, I felt like I’d provided a one man economic stimulus package to the good people of Chicago! Over the course of the weekend, we saw the sites and had a great time with one another. We even talked of making it an annual trip and maybe even including Colin sometime!
The girls and I hanging off the side of the Sears Tower 1350 feet up!
So that about catches us up . . .well, except for one other thing.
Over the past several months, I’ve had the opportunity to share our journey. I’ve had one on one conversations over coffee or dinner. I’ve spoken to large groups. I’ve even shared our story via conference call with hundreds listening. I’ve been approached about presenting to larger and larger groups. When I share our story, I discuss family life before, during and after Kathy’s illness. I talk about Kathy and the strength and grace with which she faced her final days. I talk about the kids and how they have coped. I talk about the impact of people in our lives. I talk about the importance of planning. I talk about the importance of communicating. You see, I believe one of the reasons Kathy and I were able to face this journey with so much peace is that there was nothing left unsaid between us. We never had to wonder what the other was thinking or feeling. I talk about moving forward, and living each day.
Now generally, as I share our journey, I am greeted with tears . . . and laughter, because Kathy would want me to use some humor as well. I am able to have an emotional impact on the people I have share with. After presenting, I have been told that our journey has brought new perspective and changed lives. I’ve even been told more than once that our journey just saved a marriage because it made someone realize what really mattered in life. Needless to say, I am often overwhelmed and consistently blessed by this.
Now please don’t misunderstand me. I take zero credit for any of this. I truly believe that I am just the messenger. I am also asked how I can hold it together while making these presentations. How can I get up in front of people and share this incredibly personal story without my emotions overcoming me? The simple answer to that – I don’t know. I just can.
And that makes me wonder – what does the future hold for my family? Why have we traveled this road, and why am I able to share this story in an eloquent and touching way? What happens next?
I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do know that every time I share our story, and I see the impact it has, I feel it is evidence of a greater purpose. When I delivered Kathy’s eulogy, I mentioned that I didn’t know how far she would reach. I still don’t know, but I believe we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg. I am truly honored to be trusted with such a journey.
I have a grateful heart and it is well with my soul.
Thanks for reading and I’ll talk to you soon.
Blessed
Good Evening Brutton blog readers!
This update makes two . . .YES TWO . . .updates in February! Can you feel the excitement?
I live a blessed life. That may sound odd coming from a guy who lost his wife 3 months ago, but it’s true. I have incredible children, a supportive and loving family, great friends, a good job, a nice home, and a wonderful church family. And as I shared in my last update, God has wonderfully and unexpectedly provided a genuinely beautiful woman who I believe will be a big part of our future.
So yeah, I’m blessed. I know this.
What I didn’t realize until recently, is just how blessed I really am.
This past Tuesday, the kids and I attended our first grief support group through Annie’s Hope. I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect going into the evening. I felt like we were all doing pretty well dealing with our grief, but it’s important that the kids continue to have opportunities to spend their emotional energy. So we went.
As we arrived, we were greeted by a number of smiling volunteers who were eager to help. The kids were split up into pre-determined groups based on their age and ushered off to participate in some fun activities. While the kids were off having fun, I joined the rest of the adults. We arranged the chairs in a circle and were encouraged to share our stories of loss. As I sat and listened, I was filled with emotion. Perhaps for the first time, I realized just how different my family’s experience really was. You see, by the time Kathy passed, we were ready in just about every way we could be ready for such an event.
Over the course of the last few months, I have shared a lot of our life with the readers of this blog. However, there is one thing I haven’t shared. There’s one thing that I could never find the right time to discuss. Well, after listening to stories of loss the other night, many of which were heartbreaking, I’ve decided it’s the right time to share.
I’d like to tell you about Kathy’s last day.
November 15th, 2010 started out like so many days before it. I awoke early, got the kids dressed and breakfasted (I can turn nouns into verbs – they let you do that on the internet) and then got them off to their various schools. About that time, Kathy was beginning to stir and I was able to get her situated for the day. We went over the plan for the day, i.e – who was visiting, was the nurse coming, was the bath aide coming, etc. I got her some pain meds, and she dozed off for a bit. After she awoke, she wanted me to sit with her.
Now at this point, Kathy was still pretty lucid. She had her moments where you could tell she was off someplace else, and at times her speech was a bit slow, but for the most part, she was still Kathy. As I sat with her, I could tell something was concerning her. To this day, I cannot remember exactly how we got into the conversation, but she was concerned about how we would get along after she was gone. This was a conversation we shared several times before, but I think she needed to hear it one more time. So as I sat there with her on the bed, we held hands and I told her everything would be okay. I told her that preparations were already made. I assured her that the kids would be raised in our home, and they would not have to go to daycare. I told her that I would make sure the kids were raised the way she would have wanted, and they would have every opportunity to work through their grief in healthiest manner possible. I let her know that I would be okay, and she told me that she did not want me to be alone. I told her that God was not going to abandon her family after she was gone.
I held her hand, looked into her eyes and told her it was okay to go.
And then we prayed together.
Shortly after that, Chris Mason, the Worship Pastor from FBCA, came over to visit Kathy. While he was here, Kathy shared in no uncertain terms the exact music that was to be played at her funeral. For those of you who knew Kathy well, you know music was very important to her, so of course she wanted it to be a large part of her celebration. After Chris left, we were visited by our friend Shannon, who had been so helpful in the last several weeks of Kathy’s life. As Shannon was leaving, Tanya the bath aide arrived to help Kathy into the shower.
After Kathy’s shower, Tanya came to get me to inform me that something was wrong. Kathy was in significant pain, and it was different than before. I called the hospice nurse, and she came right over.
After a quick assesment, the nurse told me what I already knew. This was the beginning of the end.
After several hours, we were able to get Kathy’s pain under control, but the amount of pain medication it took to do so essentially put her into a coma. We didn’t know how long she would last that way, but we knew it wouldn’t be more than a few days.
I was able to speak with Maddie and Sarah about what was happening. We discussed what was going to happen when mom passed away, and I was able to find out what their preferences were for how and when they would find out. I did not hold anything back as I had learned what kids need most in that time is direct honesty.
That evening, family gathered around Kathy’s bedside. We laughed, we cried and we prayed.
We were prepared for what came next.
What came next happened shortly after 1:00 am on the 16th.
Kathy had the last word. She was determined to live past November 15th.
You see, Kathy’s last full day, the 15th, was my birthday.
And the end of her suffering was the greatest birthday gift I have ever received.
So let’s circle back to the support group this past Tuesday. My story was different than so many others. As I said, we were prepared. We knew what was coming. There were no surprises. We were given time to say goodbye. Kathy was able to pass away at peace knowing that her family would be taken care of. Fourteen hours after I told her it was okay to go, she was gone. And we knew exactly where she went. I did not hear another story like ours.
So yeah. We are blessed. We are blessed beyond my comprehension.
Before I conclude for the evening, I bet you are wondering how the kids did. Well, they all had a good time and are looking forward to going back. As the kids were released, Maddie found me in the crowd and came running toward me with a big smile on her face. One of the activities the counselors had them do was a ‘before and after’ (life before the death of a loved one and life after that death) picture, and she was eager to show me what she had drawn. On the ‘before side’, she drew a picture of her mom smiling and singing. The ‘after picture’ was the four of us standing there holding hands.
As I took a closer look at Maddie’s representation of life after the death of her mom, I noticed something.
We were all smiling.
The Brutton family is blessed.
And we’re gonna keep on smiling.
Thanks for reading.
The Next Chapter
Hello Brutton Blog readers!
So yeah, I know. I don’t call. I don’t write. I’m a terrible grandson . . .er . . . .blogger.
Well, let’s just say that January was busy. For a lot of reasons. And one of those reasons was absolutely spectacular.
But more on that later.
The month began with my official start as a household employer. Candy, my new nanny, began on January 4th, and the kids took to her right away. As a matter of fact, they were comfortable enough with her that they had no qualms about fighting with each other on her first day!! Thankfully, I didn’t head back to work until the 10th, so I had about a week to help her and the kids get adjusted to one another. Candy has done a wonderful job with the kids and the house. It is a blessing to have her here. If you would like to see proof that the kids are okay, click here, but if you would like to see how they are having some trouble adjusting, click here.
This whole household employer thing is going so well that I’m thinking about hiring a butler too. And perhaps a bathroom attendant.
Yeah, I don’t think that would be a waste at all.
So, anyway, on the 10th of January, I reported back to work. My company hosted a kickoff meeting for the year, so reporting back to work actually meant reporting to . . . . Vegas Baby!!! Yup. You heard me. My first three days back to work took place in Vegas! I would love to talk about what happened there but apparently, whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Just kidding!! There’s really nothing to talk about. When not in meetings (which was most of the time) I enjoyed the solitude my suite provided. After the last few months, it was nice to have some time to myself. After getting back from Vegas, I went back to my office on Thursday the 13th, and have hit the ground running from there!
So between heading back to work, and juggling the kids and their activities, it has been a busy month, hence the lack of blogging.
Oh. Wait. There was that one other thing. I believe I referred to it as spectacular. Well here goes.
Recently, I updated my Facebook status with the following.
“I was at a meeting today and we talked of dreams. Being married to Kathy for 11 years was a dream come true, and as painful it has been for that dream to end, it hit me today that God has given me the privilege of chasing a new dream. I am blessed.”
Indeed, I am blessed. You see, I have found my new dream.
Her name is Tricia.
Yes. You read that right.
As I have mentioned in the past, when Kathy and I chose to share our journey on the blog, we decided to be transparent. We wanted this experience to be authentic. We wanted to share our true thoughts, feelings and emotions, not so much for those that read it now, but for three very important people who will read it in the future. You see, this blog really isn’t for me. Or you. It’s for my children.
In that spirit of transparency, allow me to tell you about what I believe is the next chapter in life of the Brutton family. And yes, I know you probably have a lot of questions right now, but by the end of this post, I hope to have answered most of them.
So without further ado, here’s the story of Mike and Tricia.
In mid December, on something of a whim, I decided to create a profile on a couple of dating sites. I certainly wasn’t interested in dating anyone, but after having been out of the game for 14 years, I thought it might be nice to see what was out there. I created a fairly basic (vague) profile and it did not include my picture. This essentially made my profile invisible to the other people on the site, which allowed me to observe the whole scene in a pretty anonymous way.
Over the next couple of weeks, I browsed through profiles. I saw a lot of pictures. I read a lot of “all about me” pages. Frankly, I was entertained. In an effort to be kind, let’s just say that there are a lot of interesting folks out there!!
In late December, I stumbled upon Tricia’s profile. She is very pretty, and of course that is what first caught my attention, but after reading her profile, I saw that she was much more. I was touched by the person that she was. But again, I wasn’t really looking to date anyone, so I moved on. A few days later, I noticed her profile again. I read it again. This time, I decided to send her a message. You see, I just wanted to acknowledge the person that she was. I still wasn’t looking to meet anyone, but for some reason, I just felt compelled to contact her. I just wanted to acknowledge the person that she was. As a matter of fact, the first sentence of my message was “You don’t know me, and chances are we will never meet, but I felt compelled to send you a message.”
So what compelled me? Why did I feel such a need to contact her?
Well, before I get to that, let me back up a moment. You’ll remember that in past updates, I’ve spoken of the plan I believe has been in place for our family over the last several years. The evidence has been downright overwhelming. I believe with all my heart that God has been working in our past, and has a plan for our future.
With that in mind, let me get back to my reasons for sending Tricia a message.
She’s a hospice nurse.
She facilitates a monthly childhood bereavement support group.
She shares my faith.
I did not plan on meeting Tricia. But I believe the plan was for me to meet Tricia.
I will not bore you with all the details, but my message led to a response from Tricia. I responded to her response. Over the next few days, we communicated via emails and text messages. She read the blog. She viewed Kathy’s celebration service. She was in awe of Kathy’s courage and faith.
That same week, after corresponding with Tricia for a couple of days, I received an email from the other dating site I had joined informing me I had been matched with someone. This particular site matches people on 29 dimensions of compatibility (you know the one). I opened the email, and guess who it was? Yup. It was Tricia. At this point, I got the hint and decided it was time to meet.
So let’s break all this down, shall we? Tricia was the only person I ever messaged on a dating site, and I was matched with her on two separate sites. Through her profession, she gets what I have been through. Through her volunteer work, she is equipped to understand and help my kids with what they have been through. She is a wonderful mother to her two boys, Anthony – 13, and Carson – 4. She has experienced her own grief as she lost her son Carter when he was just 5 months old. On the outside, she is a beautiful woman. On the inside, she is breathtaking. And on top of all that, we flat out click. She gets me and I get her. We have laughed and cried together. She is not threatened or intimidated by the Kathy shaped hole that will always be in my heart. We first corresponded on January 3rd, and officially met on January 6th. By January 7th, we felt like we had known each other forever.
As I mentioned, I’m sure you have some questions, and while I am sure I can’t answer all of them, allow me to address a few that I have heard.
First of all, let me assure you that we are not rushing into anything. Tricia is a single mom, and I am a single dad, so rushing isn’t exactly an option anyway! We are adults, and we have talked about where our relationship is heading, but I assure you nothing is happening soon.
Secondly, let me address the question of timing. There are those that might be wondering if this is a bit soon. To the outside perspective, I can see how it may seem that way. But what you must remember is I did not really lose my wife in November. I lost my wife slowly over the last year of her life. We became so consumed with her treatment, and all that went with it, that we lost a lot of what it means to be husband and wife. We still loved one another very much, but it became different. And that was okay. But now it’s time for me to embrace the next chapter in my life, and I am ready to do so.
Lastly, let me address the family concerns. The kids have met Tricia, and they absolutely adore her. I have met her boys, and they are wonderful. I have spoken with Kathy’s parents and sisters about Tricia, and I have their blessing.
Over the last month, Tricia has asked me questions. Numerous times she has said, “are you sure?” or “are you really ready for this?” She has also said, “I can wait” and “I’m comfortable with whatever pace you want to set.” She has put my comfort first every step of the way. I am blessed to have her in my life.
Recently, as Tricia and I were having a conversation about my readiness, something occurred to me. You see I wasn’t ready to date, but I was ready for her.
The last month has been amazing. I do not believe in coincidences. Things like this don’t just happen. I mentioned that we were matched on two separate dating sites, but I believe with every fiber in my being we were matched long before that, in a place much more important than any dating site. I believe that Tricia, and her boys, are the happily ever after God had planned for my Happy Little Family.
The elasticity of the heart is an amazing thing. For the last 14 years, I loved Kathy with all my heart. I still love her and always will. But you know what? I have found out recently that there is room for more love in my heart. And that space is filling rapidly. As a matter of fact, I would say that it’s full.
Thanks for reading.
The New Year
The New Year.
Those words have a bit more meaning for the Brutton family this year. There will be a lot of ‘new’ for the Happy Little Family 2.0 in 2011.
The first ‘new’ begins on January 4th when our nanny reports for duty.
Yep. I hired a full time nanny. Her name is Candy.
Waiting . . .for . . .that . . .to. . .sink . . .in.
Ok, now, I know what you are thinking, but just stick with me for a minute.
I met Candy through a local placement service here in St. Louis. She is a career nanny who has been in the business for over 20 years. She has experience with kids of all ages and is well qualified for what we need.
So that’s the professional resume, but here’s the cool part. Candy is an active member of her church. She is a Sunday School teacher. She is an AWANA leader. She shares the same beliefs and values that we do. She has been without a full time family for almost a year. In that time, she turned down several offers, which caused her a significant financial burden. But you see, she was waiting for the right family. She didn’t know it at the time, but she was waiting for a family that really needed her. A family that is both healing and hurting. A family that shared her faith, and like her, had been sustained and provided for through so many difficult days in 2010.
She was waiting for us.
She was the only person the placement agency had available that fit my criteria.
Does anybody want to still question whether there is a plan in place? Really? Seriously?
Now don’t you feel bad about what you were thinking when you heard her name was Candy?
One last thing before I go. In the next couple of weeks, I am going to be working on getting the house cleaned up and de-cluttered. A lot of stuff has accumulated here in the last few months. Today, I was going through some stuff when I found a little purple cardboard box wrapped in plastic. I figured it was something the kids brought home from school or church, and I was about to throw it away, but I figured I better look at it first.
I turned it over. I smiled. I decided to keep it.
Thanks for reading and Happy New Year!
Merry Christmas
Christmas Eve just might be my favorite day of the year.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas Day, but there is just something about the anticipation inherent in Christmas Eve. It’s the last day before the big day. For kids, it’s the last day of what seems like an endless countdown. It’s also the last day to make their way onto the nice list, or get knocked down to the naughty list!
For many families, it is the beginning of the Christmas celebration. Traditionally, we have spent Christmas Eve with Kathy’s family, and Christmas Day with my family. This year was no different. We got together for a day of fun, food, fellowship and gifts.
As we gathered today, it became evident there was a Kathy shaped hole in the day’s festivities. It was still a great day, 
and we had a lot of fun, but it was different. I kept waiting for Kathy to come around the corner, smile at me, and continue on to another room to enjoy spending time with various family members. I miss that smile. I miss the way she could brighten a room by simply gracing it with her presence. I miss the little glances we shared, that said so much without saying a word. Today, maybe more than any other to date, I missed my wife.
But you know what? It was still a great day. We had fun. We laughed. We gave and received gifts. We experienced a family dog with a stomach issue that could best be described as chemical warfare. We laughed some more.
You might wonder how we could enjoy a day like today while missing such a vital piece of our lives. Well, we can enjoy today because of tomorrow. You see, it’s because of what Christ did for us on Christmas that we have the assurance that we will see Kathy again.
Last year, Kathy was diagnosed 2 weeks prior to Christmas. At the time, we didn’t yet know just how aggressive her cancer was, and while the thought crossed our minds that it could be our last Christmas together, it certainly wasn’t something we dwelled upon. We had Christmas as usual, and frankly, I’m glad we did.
As you celebrate this Christmas season, permit me to make some suggestions. As you gather with those that you love, hug tighter, kiss longer, love more deeply, and tell them just how much they mean to you.
Merry Christmas, and thanks for reading.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
So, it’s been a month.
Did I really just type that? Has it really been a month already? Unbelievable.
In the last month, everything has changed . . .and nothing has changed.
One month ago, I lost my wife. My children lost their mother. John and Brenda lost their daughter. Becky and Danae lost their sister. Many others lost a niece, an aunt, a cousin, an in-law (or outlaw as my family affectionately refers to them). Countless others lost a friend.
But you know what, she’s not really lost. We know right where she is. And we know we will see her again.
So in the last month things have changed, but not really. You see, over the last year of Kathy’s life, her ability to fulfill each of the roles above was slowly diminished. We did not lose Kathy one month ago. We lost Kathy slowly over the last year. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s true. And you know what else? It was a blessing.
You see, I believe the chemo, the radiation, the surgery and Kathy’s weakened state were all part of God’s plan. With Kathy sick, it gave me the opportunity to step up and take on more of the household responsibilities. I got up with the kids in the morning and I put them to bed at night. I fixed their meals and checked their homework. I went to parent- teacher conferences and I arranged playdates. I didn’t know it at the time, but the kids and I were being prepared.
Kathy passed at 1:05 on a Tuesday morning. The kids stayed home from school that day. On Wednesday morning, the kids got up and wanted to go to school. I fixed breakfast, packed Maddie a lunch, and got her off to the bus stop. At 11:30, Sarah got on the bus for afternoon kindergarten. I was waiting for them at the bus stop when they returned. On the first ‘normal’ day since their mom passed, it was just that . . .normal.
So yes, a lot has changed over the last month, but not as much as one might think.
Many times over the last several weeks, I have been asked the question, “So how are you doing?” Usually, I say that we are good, and I discuss the kids. At some point in the conversation, the person asks again, “How are YOU doing?” Well here goes. . . .
I miss my wife. I miss the feel of her in my bed. I miss her touch. I miss her presence. I miss the simple pleasure of telling her about my day, and hearing about hers. But you know what? I’ve been missing most of those things for a lot longer than a month.
So how am I doing? I’m okay. I have my moments, but overall I’m okay.
Philipians 4:7 says “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I’m at peace. And no, I don’t really understand why, so consider my understanding transcended.
As I work on this update, I am sitting next to the fire, listening to the kids play. School was called off today due to an ice storm last night.
We made homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and the kids are still in their PJ’s as we approach lunch. The girls have played in their rooms, and we have watched a couple of movies. This afternoon will be more of the same. We are enjoying a lazy, unexpected and unplanned family day . . .
. . . on the one month anniversary of Kathy’s passing.
Interesting, huh?
Thanks for reading.
Stay Classy San Diego
Hello readers of the Brutton blog!
The last two weeks have been a blur! I’ll bring you up to speed on the happenings in the Brutton household in a moment, but first, let me share a number with you.
513
What’s that number represent you ask? Is it a useless piece of sports trivia? Perhaps it’s the number of times I cussed at the washing machine yesterday? Could it be the number of diapers I have changed in the last month?
Well, keep reading to the end of the post and you will find out, but no fair scrolling early!!
On the Saturday after Thanksgiving the kids and I left for a week in San Diego. Sticking with the whole numbers theme . . .
Strollers – 1
Kids – 3
Checked bags – 4
Carryon items – 5
Lost kids, security mishaps, TSA patdowns, body screens, tears shed at the airport – 0
My sanity – questionable
Problems on the plane – none
My sanity – questionable
(Wait, I said that already. See, I’m loco. I traveled with 3 kids by myself. Don’t mess with me. I’ll cut you. Seriously)
In all seriousness though, we had a great time and had no real problems all week. The kids did great in the airports and on the plane and we arrived at our destination without incident.
We had a lot of fun all week. We went to the San Diego Zoo as well as Sea World. The kids had never been to a Sea World and they were pretty impressed by Shamu and his buddies. Mostly though, we just hung around the hotel and took it easy. We stayed at the Beach Village in the Hotel Del Coronado and it was spectacular. If you are ever looking for a great vacation spot, I cannot recommend it enough. The staff knew us by first name by the second day we were there and went out of their way to take great care of us. The villa was awesome and the views were incredible.
The hotel staff was able to arrange a nanny for me for the week, and what a blessing she was! After hearing our story, the concierge handpicked the nanny. Her name was Linda, and get this, her husband passed away when she was 30, leaving her with 4 small kids. She is now 72, and is an active member of the Shadow Mountain Community Church. You want one last nugget? She sings in the choir. So let’s just review, shall we? We traveled 1850 miles away from home, to a city in which we did not know a soul, only to spend the week with a Christian grandmother who had experience dealing with kids who have lost a parent. And to top it all off, she sings in the church choir just like Kathy did.
Remember that whole plan thing I talked about a while back? Yeah, still going strong.
All in all, it was a great week. I took a ton of pictures. I have uploaded them to Facebook and you can view them by clicking here. You don’t have to have a Facebook account in order to view the pics.
Permit me to publicly acknowledge my Travel Agent, Shannon Vessells of Vessells Voyages. She did a wonderful job of helping me narrow down locations until I chose The Coronado. If you have a vacation coming up, please consider contacting her. She can be reached at Shannon@VessellsVoyages.com
So before I wrap up for the evening, let me shed some light on the number.
So what does 513 represent?
Well, that is the number of times the replay of Kathy’s celebration service has been viewed in the last 2 weeks.
Told ya she was gonna keep shinin’!
Past, Present and Future
Good Evening loyal readers of the Brutton blog.
Today is Nov 23d. Kathy died one week ago today.
I can’t imagine packing more emotion into a week than what we have in the last 7 days. We have experienced joy and sorrow. We have laughed and cried. We have questioned and worshipped. We have prayed. We have comforted one another, and we have been comforted by others.
So yeah, it’s been a busy week.
And now it’s over.
We are moving on as Happy Little Family 2.0, and we will be ok. The kids have gone back to school, the house is back to being cluttered and we are getting used to a new normal. There will be another adjustment period when I head back to work in January, but I am confident we will work through that as well.
Numerous times over the last week I have been asked about how the kids are doing, and I can honestly answer that they are pretty good. I cannot imagine how they could have handled this better. I am sure we will still have some tough moments in the future, but right now they are their usual selves. I feel very fortunate to have had the time and resources to prepare them for this.
At some point in the near future, I am taking the kids away on a week long vacation. (I already have the dates picked out, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable publicly broadcasting dates that my house will be empty!) They have had a rough 11 months and it will be good to get away with them. I have booked us a beautiful villa on the beach in San Diego. We plan to hit the beach, the zoo and Sea World. I have also arranged for some help while we are there so I can spend some one on one time with each of the kids. Needless to say, we are all looking forward to it. I will take lots of pictures and will share some with you when we get back.
Since I have spoken a bit about the future, allow me now to reflect on the past.
The two day celebration I had mentioned was just that, a celebration. Over 1000 people came to the visitation on Thursday. There were several hundred at the funeral service on Friday. Over 225 watched live online. It was an incredible testament to the lives that Kathy touched. As I stood there greeting a long line of people, one topic kept coming up.
The blog.
I was told that this blog was a blessing and an encouragement. I was told it was a wonderful Christian witness. I was told it was having an impact on the bottom line of the Kleenex corporation.
I savor these comments. I must have heard hundreds of these comments on Thursday and I never got tired of hearing them. You see, I believe this blog, or more accurately what this blog represents, has a lot to do with the why behind Kathy’s passing. I believe God has already used our journey to encourage others. I believe He will continue to do so in the future. Hearing feedback from others on the impact it is having just reinforces that God is working for good in this journey.
What originally began as an efficient method of keeping folks up to date, has turned into so much more. I am comforted in writing it, and others are comforted in reading it. It is something Kathy and I were able to do together. It may be a resource to someone else traveling a similar road. It is a journal of our thoughts at a difficult time. It is a historical record our children and grandchildren can read in the future.
Thank you to all who read it. Thank you to all who share it with others. The farther it reaches, the more comforted I am knowing that Kathy’s shine is still burning bright.
Speaking of shine, as I mentioned earlier, over 200 people watched the service live online. Over 800 more clicked the link after the event was over hoping to watch a replay. Due to the wonderful media folks at FBC Arnold, I am able to provide a replay of the services for those who missed it or would like to watch it again. Simply click the link below and the video will play in pop up window.
Click here to view the replay of Kathy’s funeral service.
Since the beginning of this post, I have spoken of the past and I have touched on the future. Right now it is the present, which means it’s the kid’s bedtime and the sink is full of dishes. Yep. New normal, here I come!!
Good Night and thanks for reading.
