Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

December 16, 2010 at 12:24 pm (Uncategorized)

So, it’s been a month. 

Did I really just type that?  Has it really been a month already?  Unbelievable. 

In the last month, everything has changed . . .and nothing has changed. 

One month ago, I lost my wife.  My children lost their mother.  John and Brenda lost their daughter.  Becky and Danae lost their sister.    Many others lost a niece, an aunt, a cousin, an in-law (or outlaw as my family affectionately refers to them).  Countless others lost a friend. 

But you know what, she’s not really lost.  We know right where she is.  And we know we will see her again. 

So in the last month things have changed, but not really.  You see, over the last year of Kathy’s life, her ability to fulfill each of the roles above was slowly diminished.  We did not lose Kathy one month ago.  We lost Kathy slowly over the last year.  I know that sounds terrible, but it’s true.  And you know what else?  It was a blessing. 

You see, I believe the chemo, the radiation, the surgery and Kathy’s weakened state were all part of God’s plan.  With Kathy sick, it gave me the opportunity to step up and take on more of the household responsibilities.  I got up with the kids in the morning and I put them to bed at night.  I fixed their meals and checked their homework.  I went to parent- teacher conferences and I arranged playdates.  I didn’t know it at the time, but the kids and I were being prepared. 

Kathy passed at 1:05 on a Tuesday morning.  The kids stayed home from school that day.  On Wednesday morning, the kids got up and wanted to go to school.  I fixed breakfast, packed Maddie a lunch, and got her off to the bus stop.  At 11:30, Sarah got on the bus for afternoon kindergarten.  I was waiting for them at the bus stop when they returned.  On the first ‘normal’ day since their mom passed, it was just that . . .normal. 

So yes, a lot has changed over the last month, but not as much as one might think. 

Many times over the last several weeks, I have been asked the question, “So how are you doing?”  Usually, I say that we are good, and I discuss the kids.  At some point in the conversation, the person asks again, “How are YOU doing?”  Well here goes.  . . .

 I miss my wife.  I miss the feel of her in my bed.  I miss her touch.  I miss her presence.  I miss the simple pleasure of telling her about my day, and hearing about hers.  But you know what?  I’ve been missing most of those things for a lot longer than a month. 

So how am I doing?  I’m okay.  I have my moments, but overall I’m okay. 

Philipians 4:7 says “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I’m at peace.  And no, I don’t really understand why, so consider my understanding transcended. 

As I work on this update, I am sitting next to the fire, listening to the kids play.  School was called off today due to an ice storm last night. 

We made homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and the kids are still in their PJ’s as we approach lunch.  The girls have played in their rooms, and we have watched a couple of movies.  This afternoon will be more of the same.  We are enjoying a lazy, unexpected and unplanned family day  . . .

. . . on the one month anniversary of Kathy’s passing. 

Interesting, huh?

Thanks for reading.