The Next Chapter
Hello Brutton Blog readers!
So yeah, I know. I don’t call. I don’t write. I’m a terrible grandson . . .er . . . .blogger.
Well, let’s just say that January was busy. For a lot of reasons. And one of those reasons was absolutely spectacular.
But more on that later.
The month began with my official start as a household employer. Candy, my new nanny, began on January 4th, and the kids took to her right away. As a matter of fact, they were comfortable enough with her that they had no qualms about fighting with each other on her first day!! Thankfully, I didn’t head back to work until the 10th, so I had about a week to help her and the kids get adjusted to one another. Candy has done a wonderful job with the kids and the house. It is a blessing to have her here. If you would like to see proof that the kids are okay, click here, but if you would like to see how they are having some trouble adjusting, click here.
This whole household employer thing is going so well that I’m thinking about hiring a butler too. And perhaps a bathroom attendant.
Yeah, I don’t think that would be a waste at all.
So, anyway, on the 10th of January, I reported back to work. My company hosted a kickoff meeting for the year, so reporting back to work actually meant reporting to . . . . Vegas Baby!!! Yup. You heard me. My first three days back to work took place in Vegas! I would love to talk about what happened there but apparently, whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Just kidding!! There’s really nothing to talk about. When not in meetings (which was most of the time) I enjoyed the solitude my suite provided. After the last few months, it was nice to have some time to myself. After getting back from Vegas, I went back to my office on Thursday the 13th, and have hit the ground running from there!
So between heading back to work, and juggling the kids and their activities, it has been a busy month, hence the lack of blogging.
Oh. Wait. There was that one other thing. I believe I referred to it as spectacular. Well here goes.
Recently, I updated my Facebook status with the following.
“I was at a meeting today and we talked of dreams. Being married to Kathy for 11 years was a dream come true, and as painful it has been for that dream to end, it hit me today that God has given me the privilege of chasing a new dream. I am blessed.”
Indeed, I am blessed. You see, I have found my new dream.
Her name is Tricia.
Yes. You read that right.
As I have mentioned in the past, when Kathy and I chose to share our journey on the blog, we decided to be transparent. We wanted this experience to be authentic. We wanted to share our true thoughts, feelings and emotions, not so much for those that read it now, but for three very important people who will read it in the future. You see, this blog really isn’t for me. Or you. It’s for my children.
In that spirit of transparency, allow me to tell you about what I believe is the next chapter in life of the Brutton family. And yes, I know you probably have a lot of questions right now, but by the end of this post, I hope to have answered most of them.
So without further ado, here’s the story of Mike and Tricia.
In mid December, on something of a whim, I decided to create a profile on a couple of dating sites. I certainly wasn’t interested in dating anyone, but after having been out of the game for 14 years, I thought it might be nice to see what was out there. I created a fairly basic (vague) profile and it did not include my picture. This essentially made my profile invisible to the other people on the site, which allowed me to observe the whole scene in a pretty anonymous way.
Over the next couple of weeks, I browsed through profiles. I saw a lot of pictures. I read a lot of “all about me” pages. Frankly, I was entertained. In an effort to be kind, let’s just say that there are a lot of interesting folks out there!!
In late December, I stumbled upon Tricia’s profile. She is very pretty, and of course that is what first caught my attention, but after reading her profile, I saw that she was much more. I was touched by the person that she was. But again, I wasn’t really looking to date anyone, so I moved on. A few days later, I noticed her profile again. I read it again. This time, I decided to send her a message. You see, I just wanted to acknowledge the person that she was. I still wasn’t looking to meet anyone, but for some reason, I just felt compelled to contact her. I just wanted to acknowledge the person that she was. As a matter of fact, the first sentence of my message was “You don’t know me, and chances are we will never meet, but I felt compelled to send you a message.”
So what compelled me? Why did I feel such a need to contact her?
Well, before I get to that, let me back up a moment. You’ll remember that in past updates, I’ve spoken of the plan I believe has been in place for our family over the last several years. The evidence has been downright overwhelming. I believe with all my heart that God has been working in our past, and has a plan for our future.
With that in mind, let me get back to my reasons for sending Tricia a message.
She’s a hospice nurse.
She facilitates a monthly childhood bereavement support group.
She shares my faith.
I did not plan on meeting Tricia. But I believe the plan was for me to meet Tricia.
I will not bore you with all the details, but my message led to a response from Tricia. I responded to her response. Over the next few days, we communicated via emails and text messages. She read the blog. She viewed Kathy’s celebration service. She was in awe of Kathy’s courage and faith.
That same week, after corresponding with Tricia for a couple of days, I received an email from the other dating site I had joined informing me I had been matched with someone. This particular site matches people on 29 dimensions of compatibility (you know the one). I opened the email, and guess who it was? Yup. It was Tricia. At this point, I got the hint and decided it was time to meet.
So let’s break all this down, shall we? Tricia was the only person I ever messaged on a dating site, and I was matched with her on two separate sites. Through her profession, she gets what I have been through. Through her volunteer work, she is equipped to understand and help my kids with what they have been through. She is a wonderful mother to her two boys, Anthony – 13, and Carson – 4. She has experienced her own grief as she lost her son Carter when he was just 5 months old. On the outside, she is a beautiful woman. On the inside, she is breathtaking. And on top of all that, we flat out click. She gets me and I get her. We have laughed and cried together. She is not threatened or intimidated by the Kathy shaped hole that will always be in my heart. We first corresponded on January 3rd, and officially met on January 6th. By January 7th, we felt like we had known each other forever.
As I mentioned, I’m sure you have some questions, and while I am sure I can’t answer all of them, allow me to address a few that I have heard.
First of all, let me assure you that we are not rushing into anything. Tricia is a single mom, and I am a single dad, so rushing isn’t exactly an option anyway! We are adults, and we have talked about where our relationship is heading, but I assure you nothing is happening soon.
Secondly, let me address the question of timing. There are those that might be wondering if this is a bit soon. To the outside perspective, I can see how it may seem that way. But what you must remember is I did not really lose my wife in November. I lost my wife slowly over the last year of her life. We became so consumed with her treatment, and all that went with it, that we lost a lot of what it means to be husband and wife. We still loved one another very much, but it became different. And that was okay. But now it’s time for me to embrace the next chapter in my life, and I am ready to do so.
Lastly, let me address the family concerns. The kids have met Tricia, and they absolutely adore her. I have met her boys, and they are wonderful. I have spoken with Kathy’s parents and sisters about Tricia, and I have their blessing.
Over the last month, Tricia has asked me questions. Numerous times she has said, “are you sure?” or “are you really ready for this?” She has also said, “I can wait” and “I’m comfortable with whatever pace you want to set.” She has put my comfort first every step of the way. I am blessed to have her in my life.
Recently, as Tricia and I were having a conversation about my readiness, something occurred to me. You see I wasn’t ready to date, but I was ready for her.
The last month has been amazing. I do not believe in coincidences. Things like this don’t just happen. I mentioned that we were matched on two separate dating sites, but I believe with every fiber in my being we were matched long before that, in a place much more important than any dating site. I believe that Tricia, and her boys, are the happily ever after God had planned for my Happy Little Family.
The elasticity of the heart is an amazing thing. For the last 14 years, I loved Kathy with all my heart. I still love her and always will. But you know what? I have found out recently that there is room for more love in my heart. And that space is filling rapidly. As a matter of fact, I would say that it’s full.
Thanks for reading.
